The Solution to Insecurity
Life as a teenager was a tough time for me. I felt that out of everyone in the world I was given the worst end of the deal! Everyone else got the looks and the grace and I got what was left over. When God made me, He gave me the dregs of what was left in His beauty and poise line!
To try and get a picture of how I saw myself, I sat down one afternoon with a pen and paper and wrote down a list of my good qualities and my bad qualities. It takes no imagination to know which of those two lists was longer! I saw everything
My list went along the lines of something like this:
My list was endless. From every single pimple to dimple, I spotted it, and it bothered me! Each time I looked in the mirror I saw those flaws and I wondered how I could change them or hide them somehow.
The flaw that I had missed out the most was my obvious insecurity and selfishness! While I was so busy looking at my own shortcomings and failures, I was not stopping to look at those around me and to pour out to others.
I have heard it said that insecure people are the most selfish people that you can get and I believe it to be true. For as long as you are looking at yourself and what people think of you all the time, you are too selfish to stop and wonder how they are feeling.
The next major flaw that I had overlooked was my totally distorted vision. I was looking at myself through the wrong eyes! I was looking at myself through the eyes of fashion magazines and the eyes of society that said that I must look in a certain way to be considered ‘attractive.’
Even worse, I was overlooking the qualities that God had given me that did count! The qualities that He has given every single girl and woman since the beginning of creation. The qualities of femininity, inner strength and endurance. The mother’s heart and ability to love. Yet if you are too busy looking at the outside and your shortcomings, you will never be able to see the real treasure that you have within you.
If you are looking for real beauty, then it does not start with an application of make-up, but with finding those hidden treasures inside of your heart and then reflecting it outwards. When you know who you are on the inside, then the application of make-up to enhance that makes you altogether beautiful and pleasing to the eye!
So I want to start but taking a look at the treasure you already have and then from there I will show you how to make that treasure show on the outside too. I told you, this is going to be a complete make-over! You need to change your poor image and turn it into an image of success that others can see and respect. So where do we start?
What are you looking through?
Firstly you need to take a good hard look at the eyes that you are viewing yourself with. If there is one thing that all women have in common, it is that they are their own worst critics! You know that saying, “You cannot be too thin or too rich!” I think that all women somehow strive for this goal. It is a wrong image given to us by society, our peers and certainly the hundreds of images that flash across the media.
Everyone tells you that it is good to be unique. They will tell you that you are beautiful, just being you! But that is just not the reality is it? Those are just clichés that beautiful people tell ugly people to make them feel better about themselves. You just step into the world and you realize in no uncertain terms that there is no place for the ugly or ‘unbeautiful’. No one is praising your flaws or saying to you, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”
No man, when faced with a beautiful and an ugly woman will say, “I will talk to the ugly woman first, because she is beautiful just the way she is!” These are cold hard realities that every single one of us has faced in the world.
Yes I too sat alone at school dances, while my friends had dates. I was also overlooked and went unnoticed! But can I let you in on a little secret? At the end of the day, it did not really have anything to do with how I looked on the outside. The problem was that I had such a bad image of myself, that all the ugliness I saw in myself just reflected on the outside also!
When people met me, I felt ugly and so I looked ugly. I felt unnoticed and so I was left unnoticed! The problem here lies with the way that you see yourself. What you do not realize is that what the world finds beautiful are those that feel beautiful! The reason why your friend got all the dates and attention and you did not is because she was confident and felt more secure in herself, while you felt unattractive and insecure!
So how are you seeing yourself? Perhaps you have the total opposite problem! Perhaps you are attractive and you are always wondering why no one will take you seriously. Perhaps you are tired of people always treating you like you are a ‘stupid woman’ or a ‘silly girl’. Again I have to ask you, “How are you seeing yourself?” What kind of image are you giving people?
People will treat you accordingly. It is one of those hidden rules of life that your mother never told you about, most likely because she did not know it either! People will treat you according to what they see. People will see what you let them see! What is your image? What are you reflecting? No amount of make-up can hide the real you. In fact all it will do is make you appear false and people will respect you even less.
There needs to be a balance here. A balance between the beauty within and the beauty without. You have those who, like myself did not reflect the beauty within and no amount of make-up could fix that. I am sure that you can mention a few names to me of people you know like that! They may look nice on the outside, but there is nothing more to them when you get closer! They have tried so hard to make the external image look good that they have neglected to enhance their inner beauty.
Then you get those that are happy with the way they are and reflect their inner beauty, yet decline to show it externally. They walk around looking very plain and dressed very sloppy and wonder why they do not get respect in this world! There is a balance and I want you to see that balance clearly.
Seeing Through the Right eyes.
What you need to do is see yourself correctly and honestly and work your way from there. If you have a friend that can help you with this, then WONDERFUL! What you need is someone to look at you as an outside and tell you what they really see. You might be surprised at what comes out. Yet it is hard to find someone who can tell you the truth in love, so if you cannot find anyone, you will have to try and to this yourself!
Take a look at yourself once again in a mirror. Look at all those “unattractive characteristics” that you see in yourself. Now think again. Are they really so bad? What are you viewing yourself through? What are you comparing yourself to? Are you comparing yourself to your friends, to the image others have tried to put on you? If so, this is the first wrong picture that must go! Do you have a list like I did of all your flaws? If so, write it down and then burn it! Start with a fresh picture.
You need to realize that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. That you have something that no one else does. You have a uniqueness that will set you to stand apart in a crowd. Now that you have an honest image of yourself, I want you to close your eyes and to consider your strengths and those qualities that you would like to have.
I want you to concentrate more on the inner qualities for now, because once you have those, the external ones come more naturally. Are you expressive and bubbly? Do you desire to be? If so, then see yourself laughing and having fun. See yourself being the life and the soul of the party! See yourself being confident and speaking with confidence.
If you desire a quality such as being able to love or care for others, see yourself loving others and being kind and gentle. See the correct image in your mind. As you look at that image, can you see how happy you are? Can you see how beautiful you are? All that you needed was a purpose and a new expression on your face, to bring out the lines and features of beauty.
Getting a Mental Make-Over
Before you even attempt to pretty up the outside, give yourself a mental make-over! I want to tell you a story that really emphasizes my point. I had a sister who grew up really struggling to grow her hair. The doctors did not know what was wrong with her, but for some reason her hair would just not grow. My parents took her to every single doctor they could think of, but nothing helped. She was frustrated and always felt ugly. Then one day my father told her to see herself with long hair. He painted a mental picture for her.
This was a dream that was so beyond anything that she had. Right up until her teen years, she still had very short hair, like the hair of a baby. Yet she started to see the new picture and she also started to speak it. She would say, “When I have long hair, I am going to…” Well it took some time, but would you believe it…her hair began to grow! It was truly a miracle. She is now an adult woman and has a thick mane of beautiful dark hair!
There is power in the human spirit that you are not even aware of! There is something about desiring and seeing something that truly causes it to come to pass. Now I am not saying that you can change the shape of your nose or how tall or short you are! There are limitations! But you can overcome some of your obvious flaws, by seeing yourself through the eyes of your creator and not through the eyes of society.
If you are overweight, then you must start seeing yourself as slim. Do not go overboard! But use your imagination! Get the right picture. I will tell you what the first thing is that will immediately begin to happen. Others will start noticing that you are thinner, even before you lose your weight! The reason is because when you start getting the right pictures, you will stop acting fat and start walking around with a new confidence.
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